Wine or Communication?

Today I received a call on my helpline toll-free number from a 37 year old mother of two who wanted advice on how to get her body to quit shaking in the mornings, which is being caused by drinking a couple of liters of wine/day.  I was intrigued that she was seeking a solution for the shaking and not the drinking.  As I investigated further, I discovered that her husband was unaware of her drinking problem and it would be “impossible” for her to go to any form of treatment since he would then know that she had a problem.  

I never ceased to be amazed at how little some couples know about what their spouses are doing in violation of their mutual agreements.    As I got more information, I realized that the caller’s parents did know about her drinking problem and had told her that she had to get it under control so as not to embarrass them at an upcoming family reunion.  Now, I think it is of further interest that this woman’s parents know she has a problem, but the man that she is living with and is with her every night is unaware of any out-points in their relationship.

I say that it is astonishing, but from my many years in helping couples cope and individuals find effective alcohol and drug treatment, I am no longer truly amazed at how well people can create an alternative reality rather than confront a problem.  To keep this facade in working order, it requires that they reduce their communication to items other than themselves and the obvious.  

It can be a very lonely world as a young mother of two toddlers and extra wine can temporarily make it feel warm again, but it never last and even though we try to use alcohol as the universal solvent in ways other than chemistry, it never last and only leaves us shaking in the mornings.  

I told her how alcohol leaches out the B vitamins and the calcium and magnesium from her body and how to replace those, but I emphasized that it is only by communicating with her husband can she hope to have a real fix on this problem.  I told her that her shaking is the message of our lives impinging on us to change and it isn’t bad or good, but is life threatening at the physical and spiritual levels of existence.  I hope she will reduce her drinking and increase her honesty.  I never hear back from these calls, so I just add them to my list of humans that I hope will get it right, this time around.